what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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