I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
