He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
