my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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