Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
