OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
