Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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