the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
