I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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