I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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