Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My breasts were aching with rage.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
