Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
