bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
