Who did Billy Mays play for?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
