well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
