How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
