when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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