I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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