So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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