I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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