the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
false alarm. still invincible.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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