im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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