Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
