No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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