I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
