I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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