ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize