So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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