Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
