singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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