can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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