Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
