your parents love me but you hate me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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