and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
