He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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