Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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