Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
