Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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