so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
