what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
