I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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