You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize