I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
