he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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