you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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