He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
