I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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