There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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