My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
