if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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