D3 body, D1 cock
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
