Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
