my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
