i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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