This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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