ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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