you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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