you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
